Recent content by Mathew Chupacabra J.D.

New phone who dis? If it's Giuliani then you can just fuck right off, I'm done with your shit you broke ass motherfucker. I said FIVE GOATS, not this IOU for one goat and half a pack of smokes and what appears to be a quarter used box of "Italian Stallion" hair dye.

-sweating- -clumsily bursts through door Did someone say lawsuit? I have papers if you have monies, I don't get paid unless you get paid except for my small large retainer fee. Let's do this shit. -aside- Holy fuck that ambulance was fast, still caught the fucker.

Fucking hell, who let you out? What have I told you about threatening large immoveable land masses? Don't you have to work tomorrow you absolute jackass... i have the worst clients.

See? The funny one gets it.

I will sue each and every one of you. Don't try me.

I'm real and I'm spectacular

Cease and desist all sock puppetry or you shall be triple dog mega sued.

I hope you like being triple dog super sued. I'm attaching the papers to the carrier/carrion vulture as we speak. Leave your windows open.

-hastily jams assorted torn blank "legal documents" into briefcase full of old newspapers, discount roofing flyers and one half finished manuscript for "50 Shades Of Chupacabra"- This is such bull crap man, Snyder's had it out for me ever since that Christmas party in 92 where he claims I was...

I'd like to formally announce a class action lawsuit against The Universe on behalf of the plaintiffs for emotional distress and slander in regards to it's continual and prejudiced assertions regarding humanities complete and utter insignificance in the general scheme of things. We will be...

What the hell is going on in here? I was just awakened by a blood curdling shriek, I assumed it was my usual midday goat sacrifice but then I come in here and find @Mather screaming into a pillow. What have you done to h- -reads prior post- OH SWEET JESUS NO

-begins drafting new Quadruple Dog Super Sued Libel papers-

Bro you like Rogan Josh? That's my second favorite Rogan dish, just behind "Rogan Joe roasted over hot coals with peppers and shallots and then fired out of a cannon into the broadside of a mountain." I hereby accept your goat deal.

-little hook hands shaking with impotent rage- YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER, HE'S OUT OF ORDER, YOUR HONOR THIS WHOLE COURT IS OUT OF ORDER! Looks like it's a lawsuit party! Batton down the hatches, clear the bilge pumps and unfurrow the sails THIS LAWSUIT SHIP IS RAISING ANCHOR ME HEARTIES!

SLANDER I didn't spend 6 months at Mythical Law School to put up with this kind of libel. Consider yourself Triple Dog Super Sued. The papers will be delivered by Carrier Vulture, DO NOT FEED IT OR MAKE EYE CONTACT