I have NEVER been the type to go online and talk about my personal life, my family or my emotions. However, today I'm giving an inside look into my broken heart, because I'm feeling more lost and hopeless than I have ever been. @therealghostfacekillah I didn't really want to do this; but at this point, I'm tired of keeping quiet to save your reputation. I'm tired of the PAIN. My heart has been aching and longing to be loved by you, MY FATHER for way too long. So since you are unreachable, perhaps this will get your attention:
I haven't had a full conversation with you or seen you in over 15 years! You haven't once tried to reach out to me to see how I'm feeling or how I'm doing. I have messages that literally show me reaching out to you and receiving no response for over a DECADE!
The legend that you all love, Ghostface Killah is the full definition of a deadbeat. Dad, you let us live without light, gas, or even communication from you for years. You have all this coin and yet you allow my uncles to clean up your mess. I have lived in a shelter for almost a year in 2020 during Covid and you haven't reached out once to help me or to see if I was even alive! Your daughter is mentally ill and you haven't even come to make sure she's ok or even get her help. YOU do not give a damn about your children and it's time to lay this shit on the table.
Growing up, your cold shoulder made me scared of not only myself but of the world! I was never comfortable around you or my brothers when I was a kid but at least my brothers grew to accept me on their own. I felt unprotected my entire life and I couldn't even fully chase my dreams because I was so afraid of who I was and I just kept trying to make everyone happy and be someone l wasn't, even though it was obvious I was pretending.
For many years, you made me hate myself, until I developed the courage to snap the fuck out of it and realize that there was nothing wrong with me, but there's everything wrong WITH YOU. I can't even say you're only a deadbeat to me because I'm gay, because you're a deadbeat to all of your kids. Some more than others, but what I've been seeking is the answer as to why? Is it because your father turned your back on you? WHYYYY do you LOVE everyone but your kids? It's backwards, it's ugly, it's hurtful and it's HUMILIATING. I'm tired of you ignoring us. I'm tired of you acting like we don't exist, I'm tired of you putting everyone else on BUT your kids. What makes this more of a shame, is the fact that you now have grandchildren and can make up for all of your lost times with us and still you choose not to! The shit makes no sense!!
For the people reading this, I really want y'all to understand I'm not looking for attention or sympathy from anyone. I'm looking for attention from my father. The one who brought me into this world. Why have kids if you're not going to take care of them? Daddy, we need you. Not your money, but your heart, your attention, your love. I hope you change your ways and realize that you have some beautiful and talented children out here, with deep voids in their heart because YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING. You've ghosted us for far too long.
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