I'll break this one into
2 3 parts.
Take
@gouis post how ever ya like. I don’t think he was being dismissive to the clip or Killer Mike or even what Skip is saying in the clip. In the sports world most regard Skip Bayless as an asshole that spews asinine hot takes in exchange for clicks and ratings. Thus I think it was more of joke directed toward Skip than anything more. That being said his brother is a fucking awesome chef and makes phenomenal Mexican Food.
One of his Rick Bayless' books taught me how to cook, and seems to be just an all around wonderful human.
Skip Bayless is an empty husk of a person. Even if he says something I agree with he's not worth listening to.
I know who Skip Bayless is. Skip Bayless didn't post this video. I did. Telling me to "take it however I like" is even more dismissive than the original comment.
Here's the issue for me with this -- as it relates to the video -- I don't have to post shit in this thread. And I've actually had mixed feelings and reservations about posting in here for a multitude of reasons; one being that I don't know that anyone wants me to, anyway. This is incredibly layered. But, in this video, Mike emphasizes the need for white people to be the ones to help educate other white people. And that's what
@Teeeee is offering to help do here -- or, at least, help bring in materials that have benefited her and that she believes in. And... you know what? It's fucking tiring. Posting this comment right now, even this is really fucking tiring. Because, it's like a trap and, even in posting this, I'm still doing what I'm saying I shouldn't do, or shouldn't have to do. I'm in a position where I'm forced to explain shit again.
Anything that I post in here is because I hope that it will be of some benefit to someone else. There's a lot more that I will type, but right there is the key. I don't have to, it's exhausting, I'm taking a risk by doing it because I believe in its benefit to others, the response was dismissive. The further responses weren't validating of how I felt, but defending the intention. Intentions don't mean much when what we're discussing is the results and how they are manifested. Systemic racism is full of good intentions and it's still damaging., built on white supremacy, and the ability to dismiss or embrace whatever you choose to at will, without the acknowledgment that others don't necessarily have that same benefit. Rather than acknowledge others and the effects on them, people in all situations -- especially, on the internet -- want to make sure that their intentions are acknowledged first, if not ONLY.
As for choosing to contribute, the one thing that makes me feel it's a good idea is when it helps someone like
@Tyr in a way that it's helped me, because I see a kinship in that. But, to speak on mixed identity, you already don't really know what spaces to be in and this scenario only amplifies that. I can't speak for "black" people, just like I can't speak to white presenting black people. But these issues don't just come from a cultural connection, but often a lack of cultural connection and, most centrally, how we appear to others and are treated as a result of that. I look like I do and am treated how I am accordingly. I'm put in oppressive situations. I'm not sure if I posted this in here, or in a private message with someone, but even walking into a store is a situation where I have to reach out my palm for a pitbull to sniff it and hope my scent is enough to save me, knowing that my arm could be ripped off just as easily. Smile so they know you're safe Hands out of pockets, so they can't say you're stealing. The way so many people feel stepping outside during a pandemic, is how a lot of us feel all the time.
So, there's this new list circulating of 10 things to do as a white person to help that aren't for optics. It's anti-performative wokism and it's good on its face. That being said, one step in there is about checking on friends of color and a lot of people are hitting up those friends and asking to be taught even in that outreach. You don't need to crawl up to us -- and I say "us", because I'm getting these, too. And real quick, I want to be expressly clear in this that anyone who has hit me up on this forum is NOT who I am referring to. In fact, I'm
considering bouncing deciding to bounce from this thread altogether and open the door for anyone to message me, directly, if they want to. I welcome discussion. BUT, my point is that, it's not difficult to reach out to someone and just tell them that you hope they're dong alright and to let you know if they need anything. That's what that step is about. It's about THEM and not about YOU. The "
I just wanted to talk to you about all of this" and "
What can we do? How do we help?" shit is still asking for instruction and puts folks on the spot to speak for everyone, which they can't do. It might seem similar, but it's the exact opposite. In the first example, the person reaching out is offering something. In the second, they are asking for something. They want you to pull your stories out, along with any trauma connected to them, and they want you to teach them about it. They want to see your work and some just want redemption and a sign off. They want their parking validated. I was having a conversation with someone who messaged me the other day and I was cool with that, but she didn't want a "conversation." She wanted to keep reiterating how she "saw me" and "feels me" and she's sorry, but she feels like I "speak for" her. She even told me that I should be a teacher. I told her that I don't what to be a fucking teacher.
But here's the conflict. White people want spaces to feel like they can speak openly and not feel judged or embarrassed, while exploring this stuff. They should have that. I also don't need to tell any of you that you CAN have that, because that goes without saying. That being said, that's also an easy catch 22, because that shit can devolve incredibly easily into an aimless circle jerk. I was in one of these discussion groups once, because I knew it would help a friend of mine that started it who had a black son. My son looks white, but my friend is blond and her son looks like Danny Brown. In my mind, she had more of a right to her voice in particular discussions, than I had because I'm not afraid for my son's life and she's terrified. BUT me being there as a voice was something people might listen to, when hers might not carry as much weight, even though it's heavy on her mind all the time. That's what we assumed, anyway. There was a lot of blaming Trump in there, which is a deflection away from their own self analysis -- trust me, racism didn't just appear out of thin air when he took office -- but there was also one woman who constantly let us know that she "did the work" and she knows. The woman who called me reverse racist yesterday did something similar. They discount my voice and experiences and are defensive if I even appear to challenge the idea that they understand my own experiences more than I do. Whitesplaining isn't wokism. And my friend continued to tell her that "Chris isn't white" but she didn't care. She had to be checked not to ever challenge the voice of any person of color on their experiences in these situations and spaces. She eventually left as the victim, not unlike a student in Jane Elliot's experiment.
I realized that group wasn't about learning anything, or even evolving. It was a place for white people to have other white people make them feel better about themselves. I'm not saying that's what this space is, but I do get the feeling that this is a space for white people. And I was already questioning if, when I post something, it isn't skipped over to get "back on topic." So... I'm gonna let you have this.
Fortunately, there are people like
@Teeeee in here, who, from what I've seen, feel to me as if they really have done "the work" to a point where that work has made them realize the opposite of what those who simply claim to have done it and wear that as a badge come away with. Basically, the knowledge that it's not about her. You don't get a diploma at the end that tells you you're woke. And I'll tell you, white guilt is powerful and a lot of people -- not, necessarily, in here, but in general -- seem like they're looking for a carbon offset to racism. As if, if they do enough shit and check off their scavenger hunt and fill their punch card, then they get to scream the N-word once, or laugh at one racist joke. "
It's cool guys. I did the work. Here's my card. One free N-word. I've really been saving up for this. Big day. Big day."
