Day 16 - Chin Up!
Spin a record that makes you feel like A FUCKING CHAMP!
I don't know if champ is the word, but my pick is Thursday's
Full Collapse.
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Here comes a long one...
I turn 39 in April. This record came out when I was 20. I bought it on September 6, 2001 (on compact disc, this picture is of a reissue). When I had bought it, it was on recommendation of a friend. See, there was supposed to be an outdoor concert in NYC (that was later cancelled) in the coming weeks with this band on the bill. [If I remember correctly, The Juliana Theory (whom I loved) were also on the bill, possibly headlining.]
All of the things I just mentioned are super important.
Because I live (and still live) about 40 miles away (a 75 minute train ride) from NYC.
Because I worked by a train station that fed commuters into New York City.
Because people my age in this area (at least ones that I have talked to about this) can evenly divide their lives into two distinct parts:
A - BEFORE 9/11.
B - AFTER 9/11.
I did listen to this album before 9/11, and my impressions were of a strong album that had something special in it that I couldn't put my finger on.
Beyond the music, nothing was the same here. It seemed like everybody knew someone who worked there. Or died there. Or had their lives thrown into complete fucking chaos. [Strangest example: one of my college professors ended up living in an empty room in a dorm on campus because he could not get back to his apartment in the city for a month.] That night I drove with some friends to a spot miles away, but it was close enough to just watch the smoke billow. We sat in silence for hours. On my way home, I passed the train station, which should be damn near empty at 10:30 at night... it was more than half full and I was fucking terrified. How many people did I see every morning that I would not see again? The answer was... refreshingly small, but I never did get every story of how the hell they made it out of the city and when.
I don't know why, but in the weeks that followed this album just kept finding its way to coming through my speakers. It was very, very aggressive. It was also disarming, beautiful, sad, and (in ways I discovered over time) hopeful. I know a lot of people who dove into music to help them cope with the madness around them and the despair and anxiety that was so prevalent around this time. Within a month, I knew every drum fill, every guitar lick, every word, and EVERY. SINGLE. SCREAM. I drove around for hours, taking the long way everywhere, shredding my lungs to this CD because for the time it took to follow along with "Understanding In A Car Crash," "Cross Out The Eyes," "Paris In Flames," and "How Long Is The Night," I wasn't thinking about anything else. And that reprieve was so desperately welcome.
I started going to shows again in November. The first one I went to was Piebald with Lawrence Arms, Recover... and THURSDAY. It was my first time seeing them. I saw them 12 more times in the next year. I met them many times, and they were all great guys. I remember introducing my little brother to them backstage at Warped Tour (the Randall's Island show), and one of their guitar players inviting us to watch their set from the side of the stage... and months later having a copy of that exact show released as the
Five Stories Falling EP.
And that right there was the beauty of this album and this band at this time: it was a community. It was to be shared. It was to remind you that you can overcome anything just by shouting at the abyss because every time you do you become a little less afraid.
And a little less afraid.
And a little less afraid.
Until you are not afraid anymore.
I don't know if "champ" is the word to describe how I feel when I listen to this album.
But I feel empowered.
And I feel like that alone means I won... something?
