NHL Thread Because There Isn't An NHL Thread

I mean I get where he’s coming from. At this point in time, most of them ask cliche questions and pretty much answer themselves. You’re not going to get anything fresh from him.
No sports reporter has ever asked an interesting question, ever. There's no point asking any of them anything. Torts is just more blunt about the inanity of the clichés.
 
How is the NHL going to decide if the Pens or the Oilers get the #1 pick this year?
Determined by:
a regular period,
followed by a full period of 3-on-3,
we sacrifice a couple goats,
the LWs meet a center ice for a dance-off,
[lunch break]
coach yoga,
a shootout,
goalie bowling,
third-line musical chairs,
another period of 3-on-3, but with no sticks,
the swimsuit competition,
trainers present their written essays,
[free zamboni rides]
the traditional Roenick piñata,
then they draw a name out of the shoe used to beat Mike Milbury for the winner.
 
Determined by:
a regular period,
followed by a full period of 3-on-3,
we sacrifice a couple goats,
the LWs meet a center ice for a dance-off,
[lunch break]
coach yoga,
a shootout,
goalie bowling,
third-line musical chairs,
another period of 3-on-3, but with no sticks,
the swimsuit competition,
trainers present their written essays,
[free zamboni rides]
the traditional Roenick piñata,
then they draw a name out of the shoe used to beat Mike Milbury for the winner.
You forgot the most important factor. Race to who gets to threaten to move the team first.
 
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