Needles & Grooves

"we care too much about our privacy.... plus after covid we just decided to use email"

The "Elf" was determined to be a sleeper agent for an anti-Santa South Pole troll collective funded largely by nefarious foreign interest groups. It was collecting behavioral data on American children with intent to specifically target impressionable minds in a widespread disinformation campaign designed to discredit Kris Kringle and sow distrust in the traditions of the Holiday institution.

If it were not for the valiant efforts of tireless parents across the nation, this insidious plot would have unfurled and Christmas as we know it would have been cancelled. Forever. Dog bless America and long live everyone I know.

Tell him the truth and have him conceive the pranks for the rest of the month.

"Ask your Jewish or Muslim friend"

Pretend it got kidnapped and then make a ransom note with letters the colors of Christmas.

Or you could tell him that he sacrificed his life in Nakatomi Plaza.

The elf was laundering money for a drug cartel and got sticky fingers

I think I had figured it out by age 13 (we didn’t have elf on a shelf, but I knew Santa wasn’t real), but it’s definitely a grey area

My 5-year-old's mom's mom told him Santa wasn't real before he turned 3.

As a voracious watcher of Holiday specials and movies this time of year, I'm sort of shocked that anyone could think Santa is real. It's a plot point in basically all of them. Though, this is just about Santa and not tiny living stuffed elven creatures.

@avecigrec my stepson’s mom did something similar. @Sonicpharmacist my 13 year old insisted on the elf too. I think he gets that it’s all a ruse, but I think it’s a holiday tradition now and he feels it needs to happen like any other tradition.

“He won’t be round this year after the authorities found out what he did last year. Don’t worry though, he’s hired the Lawyer in the Foyer.”

Sorry, you started the tradition. Now you have to do it every year until you die

My dad still stomps around shouting "Merry Christmas!" in his best Santa voice to signal to everyone that it's time to wake up and check our stockings. Now there are grandkids, but you'd best believe he kept it up all through our 20s